; you and your denial

“What did you do for your birthday?”

“Oh, I went to take photos for moral.”

It’s really either I don’t appreciate the things around me or I just like making assumptions out of my own life. The guys tried to throw me a birthday bash on Saturday, but the turn out was poor.

I got home, pissed and confused with my own thoughts. Drowned in a sorrow I created for myself. I shouldn’t blame anyone who tried to organize the bash for me, I know I shouldn’t but I did. I shouldn’t blame the others who didn’t make it, but I did as well.

At that moment, in time, I find myself unimportant to anyone, in anyone lives. I truly did, I’m probably thinking that at this moment as well, I feel unimportant to anyone at all. I mean c’mon who needs a guy like me. I’m not smart, I’m not athletic, I’m not THAT funny. I just occupy space.

I’m still drowning in my own thoughts, for this whole week I’ve been drowning in my own thoughts. I just wished the noise would stop, I just wished that my brain would stop thinking so much, but yet the more I tell it stop the more it continues to think.

After the tantrums that I threw this year, and all of this, I think I need to start opening up, once and for all. My jar of thoughts is about to crack. (any volunteers? ha ha, funny)

But yeah, thanks for everything guys. Thanks for the effort, but it can’t cure my insecurities.

 

“…my sister told me that she saw her at tuition with a guy, she told me they’re together.”  : (