; Frued

Sigmund Freud, an early psychologist, states that early experiences shape us for who we are today.

He states that the human mind is like an ice berg submerged in artic sea. The part of the ice berg which you can see is the conscious mind, the sea is like a divider acts as the pre-conscious mind and the part of the ice berg which we all can’t see is the unconscious mind. He states that the unconscious mind stores the memories which makes us who we are today, these memories will come up to the conscious mind and affect us in some sort of ways, well, that’s my interpretation.

I don’t know when or why I get so depressed when it comes to studying wise. It’s like whatever I try to do to improve myself, I just can’t grasp it, I just can’t reach the finish line. Terry, my add maths tuition teacher says that “Try is for losers, do is for winners.” If you do put in all your effort and push for something you really want, but yet you don’t get the reward that you’ve been longing for, does that still make you winner? In my theory, no, cause in the end, you still haven’t achieved what you want in life, you haven’t achieved what you really want.

People always tell me, “Just try your best,” but you know, deep down inside, your best isn’t enough, that the world won’t revolve around oneself. It’s either you walk with it, or get left out, that’s how modern society is right now. If you actually tried your best by being your best, does that still make you a loser? Most people would say no, thus for motivational purposes, I would disagree as well. Grades, intellect, are always the things employers look for, and sadly I have neither good grades or intellect.

When I see people going for interviews for scholarships at Taylor’s, HELP, Sunway, I get jealous, because I can’t do the same thing, because I don’t have the grades to prove that I’m as smart or as good as them when it comes to studying wise. I get jealous when I see people overachieving; debating, sports, popularity in school, all of that in a couple of years. Whilst I still sit around in school, being a nobody outside the schooling area not being to achieve what these people have achieved.

Call me lazy, call me not being able to grasp onto the moment and take advantage, yes, it is my fault that I’m jealous of all these things. But with that being said, is everyone actually born with the gift of intellect? Some people have communication problems when with others, does that mean they don’t get a chance to prove themselves in the form of intellect at all? Yes, the modern society won’t want to be listening to a debater stuttering all the time. But then again, there isn’t anything wrong with me, so yes, once again it is my fault.

You know I can never be proud of my achievements over the past 17 years of my life. When it comes to school achievements, yes, I can be partially proud with the post I held during the past years. When it comes to outside of school, I can’t be. I had the chance to prove it today, and yet I can’t prove it, I can’t prove to myself that I’m good enough to be accepted, to be good enough to be someone who actually has a future ahead of myself.

I failed today because I didn’t have a fast enough brain absorption rate, because I wasn’t smart enough when applying things I’ve learnt into an essay. Yet, are we to be blamed for this? Are we to blame our parents for this? Are we to blame our genes for this? I don’t know. I mean we’re born like this, it’s not like we can do anything about it no? Yes, we can improve ourselves, but till a certain extent I believe.

An extent that I won’t exceed.

 

I really don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes. I’m still sorry about our yesterdays, still sorry about what happened. I just wished I took action earlier, to prevent all of this.